My Chocolate Bear...

Billy Blanks kicked my butt tonight and I love him for it!!! The sweat dripped off me like a fountain of salt water and that salt water tasted good (yes some dripped into my mouth)!! My thighs and buns burned and my arms screamed out in pain but I kept going just like Billy told me to....He said, "You have to be fit to fight to have a good life" Chant it Billy chant it!!!! Exercising is absolutely amazing...I feel so much better and so much stronger....wooooohoooo I'm ready for tomorrow!!!

Thanks Billy you sweaty chocolate bear you are my hero!!!

Last Kiss

I'm extremely hungry for a kiss!! A kiss you might say, yes a kiss...I want to be kissed!! It's been longer then I would like to remember and my last kiss was not something that I want or should remember, it was a snaggle tooth kiss!!! Yes I said it, a snaggle tooth kiss and this was his snaggle tooth not mine, for my teeth are perfect!!! It was almost as bad as my first kiss which involved me being so nervous that my tongue coiled all the way back to snuggle with my hangy ball which then left the tongue of my dream boy TMT (Tyler Marce Tummons, or Totally Marvelous Tushy) searching for my tongue and probably freaking out for not being able to find it. Needless to say it was the last time I kissed that particular boy and lets not assume that I'm a bad kisser. Since my first kiss I have been told many a times that I am quite good...(ok only 3 but I've only kissed 3 guys since then so that's pretty good.) Anyways I just need a kiss, a soft, tousled kiss...I wouldn't freak out if there was a hand in the hair, actually I would like it quite a bit!!! Ok so now to find a guy to kiss, that's a little bit tricky seeing as how I don't touch strangers no exceptions!! Ok and then there is the fact that I'm not good with skin or lips touching either and I HATE spit!!! So I think what I will do is continue watching Chocolat and fantasize about kissing Johnny Depp, because just fantasizing about kissing Johnny is better then real life kissing with any old regular guy!!

No more LIES...

Why does Hollywood insist on feeding us lies? That's my question...it seems like every movie that comes out is about soul mates or destiny or true love but why I ask you why do "they" do this to us? I grew up on movies like this...I learned what french kissing was when I was six and I was watching Jack and Jennifer on "Days of Our Lives". I grew up believing that true love existed, that there was one perfect man out there for his one perfect women and guess what They lived happily ever after immediately. But you see this is not the case, this is not reality, there is no truth to what the movies beat into us all of our lives. We are not in a movie, this is not "One fine Day" you can't just walk out your front door and fall in love with your child's friends divorced dad....no that's not how it happens. Why do they insist on doing this to us? Do they know that we are desperate and pathetic and will watch their cheesy, unrealistic movie because deep down we want to believe in it, we want to believe that one day some amazing man will write a mission statement and completely change from being the jerk that he was before he met us and we will "complete him". Deep down we ache to be loved like that and during that 2 hour movie we actually feel, for a moment that we will be adored and cherished and it's not impossible but that it's just under our fingertips. But then the movie ends and we have to face reality and reality is that I've just eaten 2 bowls of popcorn while watching "The Notebook" and I'm approximately 2 pounds heavier and about 2 times more depressed about myself then I was before. What is the point it only brings hard ache and emptiness. Honestly I think I'm going to stick to hardcore action flicks or "The story of Us" now that's real life!

This time of month.....

I have decided to place the blame on someone for this awful, uncomfortable thing that happens more times than I wish to discuss...I really think someone is to blame and I know that it's not me. If it were me I would say goodbye to my lovely and never failing period, but somehow someone decided to make it stick. Honestly it could be anyone, lets see.... I could start small and blame the old man that I passed at the grocery today, he had a cane and a brown hat on..HE'S THE ONE, or I could go a little deeper and blame my mother because well lets face it I blame her for everything or maybe just a little deeper and Damn the Man again. (Mike are you responsible for my period?) Alright I'm going to go all the way here and place the blame on Eve for eating the fruit off the tree that was obviously forbidden, I'd also like to blame her for my debt, because of her I have to spend my money on clothes and processed food and rent....EVE WHAT WERE YOU THINKING? You see this thing is really starting to nag at me and become a cramp in my side!! Not only am I in pain but I am BLEEDING from my hoohaa, and ya know what that's not even the worst part of it. Today my own reflection scared me, I blame the period for this, it has never happened before and most likely if it does happen again it will be around this same time next month...but I swear when I turned around there was another girl looking straight at me and baby it wasn't me!! I also hate this time of month because I'm extremely emotional, I'm such a sad pathetic girl that I actually feel bad for everyone who has to see me in such a state of despair...it's really not attractive to wallow around feeling sorry for oneself for being alone and no one touching her.....SOMETIMES I JUST WANT TO BE TOUCHED BY SOMEONE WHO ISN'T ME!!! Yes I said it...I touch myself (not right now, that's just a mess waiting to happen) I do I touch myself and any other women that says otherwise is a liar and should really do some soul searching. To all who go through this each month I say lets ban together and change our cycles, perhaps deleting this time of the month forever, we don't need this, no we will figure out a way to reproduce without it!!! You may think that I'm just a dreamer but a little song comes to mind from someone I like to call Bob Dylan:

Dream dream dream dream
Dream dream dream dream
Whenever I DON'T want you
All I have to do is dream

Dream dream dream dream
Dream dream dream dream
When I DON'T want you in my mind
And I DON'T need you to hold me tight
Whenever I DON'T want you
All I have to do is dream

Dream dream dream dream
Dream dream dream dream

I may have tweaked the song a little but that's the only way it would have made sense...are we together ladies or have your officially decided that I may not be quite right in the head?

Quality List...

So I was looking through some old stuff and I found this list that I made about 4 years ago after getting out of a relationship. It was basically just a list of the qualities that I have to have in a man...no questions!! I thought it was pretty funny so here it is:

My Quality List

1. 6 Feet tall
2. Dark hair (open to suggestion)
3. Blue Eyes
4. Muscular Hands
5. Nice Feet
6. Tan
7. Not Materialistic!!!
8. Likes the outdoors
9. Spontaneous
10. Funny!!!
11. Leaves notes on my car every once in awhile
12. Steady Job (School Optional)
13. Passionate
14. Common Sense
15. If I call him, he'll actually pretend to want to talk
16. Someone who would rather take me on a date then buy himself a video game
17. Cares about what I want to do
18. Pretty thick hair (No Baldies)
19. Christian
20. Will want to see me after I'm in a car accident
21. Protection
22. I can sit on there lap!!!
23. We can talk for hours
24. He won't make me cry purposely
25. He'll feel bad if he does make me cry
26. He'll adore me
27. Good with kids


Ok so that's it, I don't really know what to think about it, I don't know if I actually expected to find a guy with all of those qualities and blue eyes, it doesn't seem very realistice...but that's it, take it and do with it what you will!!