I was once....

I was once a baby, a baby who was coddled and loved and cared for every second of everyday. I was pure and innocent and squishy. I was once a kid, a kid who was told that there was something out there for her, something that would be meant for her to make her strong and successful and maybe if she was lucky happy. I was once a teenager, a teenager that couldn't wait to get out of high school so her real life could start, someone who had dreams and desires and new found cramps. That teenager was lonely and insecure but so positive that something would be better right outside those school walls. Now I am an adult, an adult who misses those high school walls every so often because at least when she was behind them she didn't know that there would be a whole other set of walls to come. She didn't understand just how disappointing life could be and she had great dreams and great hopes for the future. Now as an adult I sometimes miss the girl that wrote poetry and short stories. The girl who was always thinking and daydreaming and hopeful when it came to her future. Now I'm just an adult like everyone else wanting to go to the next stage of my life only to find that I feel exactly as I did before, but with different scenery. And hopefully by the next stage of my life I will begin to be happy with what I do have, begin to appreciate the things that are happening right then instead of pine for what might lay ahead. Hopefully I will not look at the past like I do now and dwell on the bad things but push those aside and embrace the good. Now as an adult I will live my life and try to look in the mirror each day with a shred of hope and love for the person staring back at me, I will force myself to endure the days with happiness and thanks instead of waste them away searching for my future. Now as an adult I will perhaps make a difference if that is a possible.

Down Time

I'm sitting here at work with absolutely nothing to do wondering what in the world I'm doing here. Not just here as in at my desk waiting for my next project, more like what in the world am I doing with my life? My honest to all goodness answer is nothing. Right now I am not doing anything that really has any meaning. I'm passionate about a lot of things but am I really doing anything about my passion? No. So the question is not what am I going to do with the rest of my life but what am I going to do with my life right now? Hmmm. I was reading the Bible last night and I came to a part in Luke that basically said, give up everything you have all your possesions and your wants and go out and make a difference, go out and do something for the world, for the people around you that are lost and poor. This hit me in a weird way...I don't know what I'm supposed to do with it but I do know that we only get one life and that if I use up the one I have right now being selfish and wasteful with my time then I've ruined the greatest gift I have, to live, to do things that mean something, to finish things that we start and are so sure of...I don't want my life to be full of working at a job that I dislike but I am grateful for because I could do a lot worse and a whole bunch of downtime that I do not use wisely. To be quit honest I barely use my down time at all, not to the best of it's abilities.
But it's so easy to complain about right? I could get everything that I want tomorrow and still not be happy the next day so with that said no complaining, no slumming around all day regretting the things that I haven't done, all the time I've wasted. No I can either do two things; get up and do something about it or shut up!! I'm really hoping I choose to get up and do something about it because if not then I've just wasted this life that I really don't deserve in the first place...I guess only time will tell....

2008 To Do List....

This year I'm going to make a To Do list so that I don't waste my time and forget about what I need to get done and what I want to do. So the following is my list, the things that I want to accomplish, the things that I want to experience and the things I want to learn.

TO BEGIN....

I want to finish my novel by July

Each month I want to go somewhere I've never been

Travel out of state at least 3 times

Exercise and Dance more

Save money!!

MAY 3 : HAVE STARTED SAVING MONEY AND IT FEELS GREAT!!!

Start learning to play the drums

Start learning a different language

Be the best I can be everywhere I go and in everything I do

Attend church regularly



Ok so as of right now that's all that I have and honestly I think that will keep me pretty busy this year!! I'm excited about the year to come and I just hope it's a successful one. Last year just seemed to fly by and I didn't really accomplish anything I wanted or hoped to accomplish!!! I will definitely keep a logged update of what I have completed and what I still have left....Woo hoo for the future and the freedom to learn and become whomever we want to be.

My New Friend

I have this new friend that lays down beside me every night when I go to sleep, not only then but every time I lean over to get something or tie my shoes my new friend leans over with me. My new friend keeps me warmer then I've ever been before. I've been practicing with my new friend, trying to teach my new friend tricks like perhaps whistling or dancing. My new friend seems to have the dancing down but the whistling my new friend is struggling with. You are probably wondering who exactly my new friend is, what's my new friends name, maybe you know my new friend? Well you might you just might I like to call my new friend Holiday Tummy Lard or HTL for short. My new friend seems to like that better. At first I didn't mind HTL, I actually kind of enjoyed HTL because it was a new experience to have someone or something around me that often. Going where ever I go, doing whatever I do. But then HTL started to become a bit of a problem. It started to grow, like with every living thing, but I was not prepared for it or welcoming of it. I now struggle to do anything without HTL getting in my way and though I've slowly began to get rid of HTL by moving more and eating less HTL is still sticking more then I would like. I do hope that HTL takes a hint and goes away before the summer because this year I would like to wear and bathing suit, perhaps and alarmingly sexy one and I don't want HTL showing it's ugly face, I don't want HTL practicing the tricks I once taught it when I was young and more intrigued by HTL. No I do not want HTL to dance or whistle while I'm running down the beach to the water no no no that is not what I want for this summer...so please go please go HTL go away, I promise you will always be inside me somewhere and maybe we will meet again but please for the love of everything that's important to me go away for now!!!