85 Days and Counting

So here I am....85 days away from my wedding day. Can you believe this....I have almost officially conformed!! If I didn't love the male version of me so much I would probably start cutting away at my wrist. HEY THERE HEY THERE TO THE SINGLE MASSES OF THE WORLD.... Farewell and I will miss the solitude the most!!! :) Anyways we went and registered today at Target, scanning all the fabulous flatware and irons and toasters and decorations in a greedy frenzy. 2 hours later I was not exhausted but overly excited about running home and getting everything set up and put in it's designated spot. Then it dawned on me as Matt handed the scanner back to the lady with the red collared shirt and the customer service smile on her face that we weren't actually taking anything with us. So when you register you get to go look at all the stuff you want but then just leave it there in hopes that some friendly face will buy it for you. This is registering? I'm not up for it. I'm not up for coming back to my house and not seeing the white comforter neatly in place on the bed...or the tart pan that I so excitedly fondled in isle 3 baking something deliciously sweet in the oven. As Minnie Driver said in Circle of Friends. "It's like taking me to the top of the mountain and showing me what I could have and then marching me back down and saying you aren't good enough Ashley the fat cow that you are" I improvised on the name! So now I get the luxury of checking my Target registry account and seeing if anyone has gotten us anything. I know I know that's selfish and greedy and gross and desperate and all those awful things that I don't want to be but I am deep down...just like everyone else. I just don't mind voicing it.

Along with the wedding being just around the corner and the registration's shocking realization we also had our first pre-marital counseling meeting with our pastor today. I don't know if I can stress to you all just how mortified I was about going to this meeting. I am not good with answering questions...especially questions from a pastor of all people. I was worried about becoming flustered and stuttery and perhaps coming off to the man that is going to marry us in 85 days as a bit of a freak. I was sweating bullets when we walked in to the meeting room but then all the sudden I realized this was not just a one on one couple meeting. There were several couples already there ready to be counseled. This eased my mind a little and after the initial fear of being probed to death by our pastor about personal matters went away I was able to breath easily. The meeting was actually a huge success and I am no longer scared of pre-marital get togethers!! This was a huge feat for me!!

So this is my 85 day journey into womanhood? I hope it's not a big disappointment like all the other alleged journey's into womanhood. Maybe this will finally be the real thing and not all in my imagination. Like when my period started when I was 13 I thought wow I'm a woman only to realize the next day that having a period didn't make me a woman at all but it did cause me to cramp and smell like mold. (I had to use pads til I was 15, mom's orders). Or the time that I graduated from high school and moved out with my best friend in a less than perfect apartment. I thought for sure I'm a woman now...but then I ran out of money and had to move back in with my parents. So now here I am 24 and thinking that in 85 days I will be an official woman. With the pretty nails and the fresh attitude on life and the budget and the home and the husband and the upcoming children and all that adult woman stuff. Hmmmm....I wonder if that will happen.